Commitment

"Commitment is a persevering, unwavering devotion that even death itself cannot sway, a loyal determination to fulfill what one has promised, and ever present "we-ness" that sustains a union through the years." In marriage we want to know and feel that our needs and wants will be met. More importantly though we want to feel secure in our relationships and that our commitment to each other will see us through both the good times and the bad times. 

"Commitment has this ideal thread of someone driven by desire and devotion... Obligation, responsibility, and dedication demand perseverance when a commitment has been made. Regardless of your obstacles, genuine commitment presses on." It's easy to stay committed to someone throughout the good and happy times. However many obstacles will happen over the course of our lives and marriages. It is through these bad times we can have our relationships and commitment to each other strengthened if both partners are willing to commit to each other and work hard in their relationship.

I have learned several things since my divorce and being back in the dating world. I promised myself that if I were to ever get remarried again that I needed to have a clear level head when entering into any new relationship. One thing that can be a potential problem is the idea of that spark you feel when you meet someone and it is new and exciting. Chemistry is an attraction and desire to be with another person both physically and emotionally. However chemistry alone is not a good judge of character because of the physical and emotional response it creates you can end up truing a blind eye to bigger problems in a potential relationship. We allow ourselves to get so caught up in our feelings which can be strong that we ignore or fail to see the red flags that create the bigger picture. Even in the best of relationships chemistry can fade if the relationship is not nurtured. If we go into a relationship with our blinders on we will find ourselves losing the chemistry we once had as flaws that should not have been over looked appear. I also love this quote from Sister Linda K Burton who said, “I am convinced that a husband is never more attractive to his wife than when he is serving in his God-given roles as a worthy priesthood holder.”  From and LDS stand point I find this to be true that if the desires of their heart match the desires of our hearts the more attractive we will become to our spouses. When we are actively seeking a righteous partner we need to be in return a righteous person. Together we can than build a strong foundation for an eternal marriage one that will require work to keep the spark alive. 

RAM Relationship Model

"The balance of all five bonding dynamics determines the healthiness of your relationship and clarity of your perspective partner...the five bonding dynamics have a specific order and logic to them: what you know about a person determines the degree you trust him or her; this trust directs you in choosing what personal needs you can rely on him or her to meet; you should become committed only to the extent that you know, trust, and depend on that person; and finally, any degree of intimacy is safest when it matches the context of the overall intimacy reflected in the levels of the other four dynamics...when the levels of the five dynamics are out of balance, then the emotional bond becomes unhealthy, and you tend to overlook crucial characteristics of the other person that should be exposed and explored."

Light Vs. Dark

One of my favorite quotes from Harry Potter says “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light.” I thought of this quotes as it reflects us when we have the light of Christ in our lives we can repeal the darkness that comes from Satan’s temptations. Elder Robert D. Hales said, “As children, we learned how to keep darkness away by turning on a light…We understood the physical law that is also a spiritual law: light and darkness cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Light dispels darkness. When light is present, darkness is vanquished and must depart. More importantly, darkness cannot conquer light unless the light is diminished or departs. When the spiritual light of the Holy Ghost is present, the darkness of Satan departs…We are engaged in a battle between the forces of light and darkness. If it were not for the Light of Jesus Christ and His gospel, we would be doomed to the destruction of darkness.” We are here to live the Lord’s plan of happiness for us but Satan wants to distract us from that. We can fight off the darkness of Satan’s power through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Gift of the Holy Ghost. Only then can we truly find the peace and happiness the Lord has in store for us.

The light of Chrsit is very symbolic as after the Saviors death there was three days of darkness on the American continent, we read that the Nephites were unable to even light a candle to dispel the darkness.  It is interesting how this is a symbol of the world in which the Savior does not exist.  When he returned, he brought light back to the world and dispelled the darkness.This can happen to us when we turn aways from Christ we lose that light and will find ourselves in darkness. But the best part of the Atonement is that no matter what we can always seek and find that light again. 

Patience

Hebrews 10:36 teaches us that if we are patience we can have the assurance that Heavenly Father will keep His promises to us. As I have gone through some major trials I find myself getting impatient as I want to see the trials come to an end but having patience is a big part of enduring to the end. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, “The lessons we learn from patience will cultivate our character, lift our lives, and heighten our happiness.” It seems hard to comprehend that we can be happier if we learn to be patient especially during hardships. The trials that are quick and over within a short amount of time seem easier to handle as opposed to the drawn out trials that seems to have no end in sight. I have learned however that it is during the longer trials my patient is tested which allows for my faith testimony to grow. President Uchtdorf went on to say, “Patience-the ability to put our desires on hold for a time-is a precious and rare virtue. We want we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter. Nevertheless, without, patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace.” The Lord has always told us that He will keep His promises but it is on his time not ours. As I have learned to be more patient in recent trials I have found more things to be grateful for which has brought me the peace and comfort President Uchtdorf mentioned.  I will become a better disciple of Christ as I allow myself the patient needed to grow and reach my potential. 

His Grace

Paul taught that it is not through our own works that we will be saved but through the grace of Jesus Christ who redeemed for us. In order to be saved by His grace we need to fully live the gospel, repent of our sins and apply the Atonement to our lives. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can live after we die but that we can live more abundantly . The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can be cleansed and consoled but that we can be transformed. Scriptures make it clear that no unclean thing can dwell with God, but no unchanged thing will even want to.” Because of the grace of Jesus Christ we can be saved when we fully do our part. Doing our part requires us to activate the Atonement in our lives and is more than just keeping the commandments. So many people feel that they don’t need a Savior and that they can do it alone. While it does require us to put forth good works we cannot achieve grace on our own we need our Savior. Sometime as members of the church we let our lives get very busy and in the mist of all the chaos we lose sight of what is really important and start going through the motions of living the Gospel but not really actively seeking to live it. My oldest this week was a good example of simplifying his life and putting Christ first. He plays tackle football and today after church he came home and announced, “There’s no football practice Wednesday night because I’m going to the temple to do baptisms with the young men’s.” I love that he made the decision on his own. He could have used the excuse that he had practice but he put church first. That is how we become true disciples of Christ by putting Him first. When we are actively putting the Lord first and using His atonement we will then be saved trough His grace. 

The Atonement

Many people believe that the atonement of Christ is for repenting of sin. We know that sin leads us to a spiritual death and only through repentance and the power of the atonement can we be forgiven and receive the gift of eternal life. But the Atonement covers more than just sin. The Savior suffered for every heartache, trial, suffering, and sin we may experience while here on this earth. During our many trials we are faced to endure in this life it is easy to ask “Why me?” or say “Life isn't fair.” It is true that this life is hard and we are meant to go through trials as a refining and strengthening process. The Apostle Peter taught that if we faithfully endure our trials we have been promised to be strengthened through the Atonement where we can then receive joy and exaltation. Elder Robert D. Hales stated, “Suffering is universal; how we react to suffering is individual. Suffering can take us two ways. It can be a strengthening and purifying experience combined with faith, or it can be a destructive force in our lives if we do not have the faith in the Lord's atoning sacrifice. The purpose of suffering, however is to build and strengthen us.” While life might not feel fair and our trials may seem to be going on forever we are meant to have trials to make us stronger. When we feel alone and that know one understand we can take comfort in knowing that Jesus Christ knows as He atoned for each of us. Because He atoned for each of us He can also help us know and understand how to overcome our trials. The Atonement is how we can be healed comforted however if we lose sight of our faith in Christ then our trials also have have the power to weaken our faith and trust in our Savior. Elder Neil L. Andersen said, “When faced with a trail of faith-whatever you do, you don't step away from the Church! Distancing yourself from the kingdom of God during a trail of faith is like leaving the safety of a secure storm cellar just as the tornado comes into view.” When we step away from Christ then Satan has won. We need our Savior and His Atonement. We need to draw close to Him and have the faith that we can overcome and receive Eternal life through His sacrifice for us.

Temptations

The power of Satan's temptations are very real and something we must be constantly aware of. In 1 Corinthians 10:13 we are taught that through the power of the Holy Ghost we can overcome our temptations. President Henry B. Eyring said,"Withthe help of the Holy Ghost, we can watch over ourselves. We can pray to recognize and reject the first thoughts of sin. … And we can, when we must, pray for the humility and the faith to repent.” There are so many who have felt that there was no use in overcoming temptations because it was too hard and while it is not always easy keeping the commandments we have been provided a way. There are many who don't understand why members of the church obey the Law of Chasity and Word of Wisdom. They believe that life style is freedom and the church is restrictive. What they fail to understand is that keeping the commandments is freedom. To achieve that freedom is to not partake of the worldly activities but even if we succumb to temptation we can take comfort in knowing the Lord has provided us away to repent and gain strength to resist those temptations that would drag us down. President Eyring also stated, “The Savior is our Advocate with the Father. He knows our weaknesses. He knows how to succor those who are tempted.” We can also have peace in knowing that the Lord will not tempt us beyond what we can endure. However it is up to us to use the Atonement, the Gift of the Holy, and prayer to overcome Satan’s power. We need to be humble and have the faith to ask the Lord for His help in turning our weaknesses into strengths.It helps to remember that we are never alone. The Savior suffered for each of us and knows exactly what are individual struggles and weaknesses are. Remember the scripture found in Ether 12:27 which reads, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then I will make weak things become strong unto them." Have faith be humble, and remember we are not alone, and through the Savior we can turn our weaknesses into strengths. 

Blessing of the Scriptures

Sometimes I wonder why I have to raise my kids alone. It's hard and I miss being married and the family life. This quote helps me to remember that the Lord has a plan for me even if I can not see it.  I am reminded of a blessing I received about 15 years ago that said, “If you read the Book of Mormon daily the Lord will bless you and keep you safe.” If I read my scriptures daily the Lord is going to direct my path. Elder Richard G. Scott said, "The scriptures are and excellent source of understanding and strength when pondered with faith in the Savior. They bolster faith in truth. When the truths revealed are applied diligently, they become a vital source of worthy motivation. You will increase your courage to do what is right. Your discipline to adhere to the most important priorities of life will be fortified." While I may believe that some things are good the Lord knows what things are actually better. I need to put my faith and trust in Him and I do my part He most certainly will do His. He told me to read the Book of Mormon daily and He would bless me. I know this to be true and that when I feel I'm being rejected from something good I'm really being blessed and re-directed to something better. Reading the scriptures daily will give me the motivation and courage to continue to go forward knowing that the Lord will bless me, guide me, and not lead me astray. 

Traditions

I believe that having family traditions is important. They are ways that bring families together and strengthen relationships. One of my favorite family traditions is to go see the play "A Christmas Carol" every year. This tradition was started with my grandparents and parents when they were newly weds. My family has gone every year for over the last 40 plus years. I loved going when I was younger and now I love sharing this tradition with my kids. They look forward to going every year too and I hope it's one of those traditions that will continue on. 

School Event

My boys had their school Holidays Around the World event where each class put together different food, pictures, and reports from different countries and some of the holidays they celebrate. My boys were excited to show me what they worked on and the school did a great job there were was so much to see. I think it's important to go to events like this. As a family we need to show our support for each other it's one of those simple ways we build and strengthen our relationships. It also shows my children that I love them and care about they events and activities it hat are important to them. 

Conflict and Contention

Did you know there is a difference between conflict and contention? Often we are mistaken and believing that conflict is bad however it is normal for opinions and beliefs to differ and conflict to arise. When conflict arises it is our choice whether or not we will choose to remain calm and peaceful or become angry and contentious. No one can make us angry or offended that choice is ours and it is one that is influenced by Satan. When we become angry we break down relationships and once we say things in anger we can never take them back. It is our choice whether or not we will become offended. Often times we see many people leave the church because they were offended over something simple but again that is another one of Satan's tools and is something that can be avoided if we learn how to have conflicts without getting contentious and becoming angry and possibly damaging relationships. We don't have to win every disagreement and prove we are right. It's ok to agree to disagree.

Activer Listening

I have been thinking about actively listening lately when communicating with are friends and family members. One thing that stood out to me was how we need to actively listen with love. I believe if we actively listen with love our communication and relationships will improve. It's important to stop and be patient when listening to our children and family members. The relationships we build in this life will carry with us in the next. A big part of our family relationships is communication. If my children don't feel that I am really listening to what they say they will go to someone else who will and that is not always a good thing.  I realize that sometimes when I'm listening to others I find myself coming up with my response or interrupting. It's a bad habit and I know that when I do this I'm not really listening to what others are saying. I also realize that with my kids I'm too quick to offer a solution or fix their problems when maybe they just wanted someone to listen to them. This is way I feel active listening is a great communication skill to work on to help strengthen my family relationships. 

What a Teenage Boy Needs Most from his Mom

I came across this article one day called

"What a Teenage Boy Needs Most from his Mom." I really liked this and felt it applied well to me as I have one teenager and one almost there. 

I have enjoyed each stage my kids have gone through and so far I'm loving the teen years! My boys are so fun. 

However as a single mom I often wonder if I'm doing enough to meet the needs of three boys especially my teenager. So in the article she shared 11 tips that teenage boys need most from their moms.

1.  A safe place to figure themselves out.
It happens almost every day, and sometimes many times a day:  Teenagers are always changing.  They will change their clothes.  Their mood.  How they walk, talk or what they’re into.  Some days they just need to figure out what feels right.  Some days nothing feels right.  Being a teenager is hard.  Sometimes our greatest job as Mom is to act like we don’t even notice.

2.  Boundaries.
Our boys need to know what is absolutely ok, and what is absolutely not.  They may resist rules, but deep down they feel safe when there are clear-cut rules without exceptions.  Make them clear and consistent, and have absolute consequences in place for when they break rules.  Boundaries =Security. 

3.  Freedom.
Within those boundaries, teenage boys need the opportunity to stretch their wings.  Teenage boys should be encouraged…Even pushed–to try new things, to take some risks, to find adventure.  Given enough opportunities for healthy adventure, they will avoid a lot of trouble.  (Remember–“Idle hands” and all of that…)
Keep boys busy doing character building, exciting activities and watch them become men before your eyes. The minute my boys act in irresponsibly, they will lose freedom.  So the freedoms we give are taken very seriously.  

4.  A Listening Ear.Boys need to talk.  Even the quietest ones will open up when given the chance.  Get them alone, in the car or wherever you can, and make it clear that you WANT to hear about their interests, and their lives.  Be patient, and try different times and places until you figure it out. This makes it clear that I am OK with any and every topic and I will always be available and comfortable talking.

5.  A Sense of Humor.
This is the good stuff.  Teenagers…are hilarious.  This may be my very favorite thing about these years.  No more knock-knock jokes or bad made-up jokes that never seem to come to a conclusion.  Teenagers actually GET STUFF.   There’s hardly anything like the bond of a good laugh with my boys.

When one of my boys come out laughing and want me to watch a funny Vine or YouTube Video, I drop everything for it.
Side note #1: As for us–**We have a rule of “clean” entertainment only.  No swearing or anything off-color.  And they know that if I find them following anyone inappropriate, I’ll remove their Vine/YouTube etc account (See #2))
Side note #2**I have a “I can check your phone, computer, etc anytime I want to–no questions asked.”  This keeps everyone in check.

There is plenty of FUN and FUNNY entertainment out there if you look for it.
it’s a hard world:  A good sense of humor will get your kid through many trials in life–So encourage it.

6.  Touch.
Your teenage son will likely pull away from you physically, and that is normal, albeit painful.  But even the most rigid, sulky teenage boy needs hugs from Mom.  Don’t get awkward and keep a distance.  Create a “hug a day” rule or something that makes it routine and normal.  He’ll love it even if he refuses to show it.

7.  Genuine interest.
What does your teenager love?  Learn to love it too.  Know at least enough about what they are passionate about so that you can have a decent conversation.   This will keep doors open greater than any other gesture you can make.

8.  Forgiveness.
Teenagers will make mistakes.  Lots of them.  They’ll act selfish.  They’ll space out.  They’ll get insecure and do stupid things because of it.  They are going to mess up so much you’ll wonder where you went wrong.  If you know it’s coming, it won’t throw you off.  Consequences may be in order, but so is a whole lot of grace.

9.  Direction.
Listen Mom:  Your teenager actually WANTS you to give them guidance. Sure, they’ll act like they don’t, but they do.  Keep it relevant, and as brief as possible, but when you see them facing forks in the road, go ahead and speak some good solid words of advice to them.  Share a Scripture that fits their situation.  Quote someone they might respect.  You are their greatest resource they have, and they need your direction.  They’ll thank you, even if it takes twenty years.

10.  Encouragement.
It’s hard to be a teenager.  (remember?)  The world will yell and scream all kinds of negatives to your son.  So be his greatest fan.  Be his cheerleader.  Believe in him with your heart, and tell him that you do.  Every.  Single.  Day.  I’m not talking about phony, contrived encouragement (Everyone is a winner!) but the authentic kind that finds their greatest giftings, and speaks them boldly.

11.  An example.
Our kids are watching us.  They get a lot more of an idea about what is right, wrong, good and bad from what you do than what you say.  So take your position seriously.  No, you’ll never be perfect, and you can tell your kid that–but don’t use that fact as an excuse to be lame.  If you don’t want them to swear, don’t swear.  If you teach them to speak well of others, make sure you do the same.  Probably the greatest thing you can do for your son is to model the kind of person you want them to be.

The common key to pretty much everything named is that Mom is involved in the teen’s life.  

Goofballs

Sometimes we can be silly but I love it! We were watching a movie together that some how turned into a goofy family selfie session. I think moments like these are far more important and more memorable to my kids than the movie we watched. I can't even remember the movie but I remember the fun and happiness felt as we had fun together! 

Turn Our Hearts to The Family

It's crazy how so many people are looking for happiness OUTSIDE of their own homes and families. We live in a world of instant gratification and money will buy you happiness. But what people fail to realize is that...

A CHRIST CENTERED HOME = REAL HAPPINESS!

If we turn towards Him and build a strong foundation centered around Christ we will find the peace and happiness even during hardships and trials. 

The Priesthood

My middle son Hunter recently turned 12 and received the Aaronic priesthood. I feel blessed that both my older two boys hold the priesthood. As a single mom I don't feel limited to the priesthood just because I do t have a husband. I know that leaders and home teachers will come and administer to my family anytime I need it. The priesthood is for everyone and I'm grateful for the opportunity to be a mom of boys in whom I can teach them to magnify their priesthood responsibilities. 

Happy Halloween

This year for Halloween we kept it low key as one of my boys ended up with pneumonia. We did however go to the wars Halloween party and carve pumpkins. My oldest went out with his friends on Saturday night while I tookmy youngest  trick or treating and my middle son was in bed sick. I do have to say how proud I  of my youngest. Without even being asked he decided to do half of his trick or treating for his sick brother so he could get candy too.  

Fight The New Drug

My stake along with three other stakes invited the group "Fight The New Drug" to come present to all the youth ages 12 and up. I was really glad my older two boys had the opportunity to go to this along with over a 1000 other youth. This groups message was very powerful. They explained how porn harms in 3 ways: It affects the brain, relationships, and society. One of their main slogans is "Porn Kills Love". At the end of their presentation they invite all the kids to sigh a banner with a pledge to abstaine from porn. They also offer resources for those youth who may already be addicted. This was a great event and I encourage others to check out their message.