Sunday, May 22, 2016

I have learned several things since my divorce and being back in the dating world. I promised myself that if I were to ever get remarried again that I needed to have a clear level head when entering into any new relationship. One thing that can be a potential problem is the idea of that spark you feel when you meet someone and it is new and exciting. Chemistry is an attraction and desire to be with another person both physically and emotionally. However chemistry alone is not a good judge of character because of the physical and emotional response it creates you can end up truing a blind eye to bigger problems in a potential relationship. We allow ourselves to get so caught up in our feelings which can be strong that we ignore or fail to see the red flags that create the bigger picture. Even in the best of relationships chemistry can fade if the relationship is not nurtured. If we go into a relationship with our blinders on we will find ourselves losing the chemistry we once had as flaws that should not have been over looked appear. I also love this quote from Sister Linda K Burton who said, “I am convinced that a husband is never more attractive to his wife than when he is serving in his God-given roles as a worthy priesthood holder.”  From and LDS stand point I find this to be true that if the desires of their heart match the desires of our hearts the more attractive we will become to our spouses. When we are actively seeking a righteous partner we need to be in return a righteous person. Together we can than build a strong foundation for an eternal marriage one that will require work to keep the spark alive. 

Thursday, May 12, 2016

RAM Relationship Model

"The balance of all five bonding dynamics determines the healthiness of your relationship and clarity of your perspective partner...the five bonding dynamics have a specific order and logic to them: what you know about a person determines the degree you trust him or her; this trust directs you in choosing what personal needs you can rely on him or her to meet; you should become committed only to the extent that you know, trust, and depend on that person; and finally, any degree of intimacy is safest when it matches the context of the overall intimacy reflected in the levels of the other four dynamics...when the levels of the five dynamics are out of balance, then the emotional bond becomes unhealthy, and you tend to overlook crucial characteristics of the other person that should be exposed and explored."