I have learned several things since my divorce and being back in the dating world. I promised myself that if I were to ever get remarried again that I needed to have a clear level head when entering into any new relationship. One thing that can be a potential problem is the idea of that spark you feel when you meet someone and it is new and exciting. Chemistry is an attraction and desire to be with another person both physically and emotionally. However chemistry alone is not a good judge of character because of the physical and emotional response it creates you can end up truing a blind eye to bigger problems in a potential relationship. We allow ourselves to get so caught up in our feelings which can be strong that we ignore or fail to see the red flags that create the bigger picture. Even in the best of relationships chemistry can fade if the relationship is not nurtured. If we go into a relationship with our blinders on we will find ourselves losing the chemistry we once had as flaws that should not have been over looked appear. I also love this quote from Sister Linda K Burton who said, “I am convinced that a husband is never more attractive to his wife than when he is serving in his God-given roles as a worthy priesthood holder.”  From and LDS stand point I find this to be true that if the desires of their heart match the desires of our hearts the more attractive we will become to our spouses. When we are actively seeking a righteous partner we need to be in return a righteous person. Together we can than build a strong foundation for an eternal marriage one that will require work to keep the spark alive. 

RAM Relationship Model

"The balance of all five bonding dynamics determines the healthiness of your relationship and clarity of your perspective partner...the five bonding dynamics have a specific order and logic to them: what you know about a person determines the degree you trust him or her; this trust directs you in choosing what personal needs you can rely on him or her to meet; you should become committed only to the extent that you know, trust, and depend on that person; and finally, any degree of intimacy is safest when it matches the context of the overall intimacy reflected in the levels of the other four dynamics...when the levels of the five dynamics are out of balance, then the emotional bond becomes unhealthy, and you tend to overlook crucial characteristics of the other person that should be exposed and explored."

Light Vs. Dark

One of my favorite quotes from Harry Potter says “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light.” I thought of this quotes as it reflects us when we have the light of Christ in our lives we can repeal the darkness that comes from Satan’s temptations. Elder Robert D. Hales said, “As children, we learned how to keep darkness away by turning on a light…We understood the physical law that is also a spiritual law: light and darkness cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Light dispels darkness. When light is present, darkness is vanquished and must depart. More importantly, darkness cannot conquer light unless the light is diminished or departs. When the spiritual light of the Holy Ghost is present, the darkness of Satan departs…We are engaged in a battle between the forces of light and darkness. If it were not for the Light of Jesus Christ and His gospel, we would be doomed to the destruction of darkness.” We are here to live the Lord’s plan of happiness for us but Satan wants to distract us from that. We can fight off the darkness of Satan’s power through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Gift of the Holy Ghost. Only then can we truly find the peace and happiness the Lord has in store for us.

The light of Chrsit is very symbolic as after the Saviors death there was three days of darkness on the American continent, we read that the Nephites were unable to even light a candle to dispel the darkness.  It is interesting how this is a symbol of the world in which the Savior does not exist.  When he returned, he brought light back to the world and dispelled the darkness.This can happen to us when we turn aways from Christ we lose that light and will find ourselves in darkness. But the best part of the Atonement is that no matter what we can always seek and find that light again. 

Patience

Hebrews 10:36 teaches us that if we are patience we can have the assurance that Heavenly Father will keep His promises to us. As I have gone through some major trials I find myself getting impatient as I want to see the trials come to an end but having patience is a big part of enduring to the end. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, “The lessons we learn from patience will cultivate our character, lift our lives, and heighten our happiness.” It seems hard to comprehend that we can be happier if we learn to be patient especially during hardships. The trials that are quick and over within a short amount of time seem easier to handle as opposed to the drawn out trials that seems to have no end in sight. I have learned however that it is during the longer trials my patient is tested which allows for my faith testimony to grow. President Uchtdorf went on to say, “Patience-the ability to put our desires on hold for a time-is a precious and rare virtue. We want we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter. Nevertheless, without, patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace.” The Lord has always told us that He will keep His promises but it is on his time not ours. As I have learned to be more patient in recent trials I have found more things to be grateful for which has brought me the peace and comfort President Uchtdorf mentioned.  I will become a better disciple of Christ as I allow myself the patient needed to grow and reach my potential. 

His Grace

Paul taught that it is not through our own works that we will be saved but through the grace of Jesus Christ who redeemed for us. In order to be saved by His grace we need to fully live the gospel, repent of our sins and apply the Atonement to our lives. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can live after we die but that we can live more abundantly . The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can be cleansed and consoled but that we can be transformed. Scriptures make it clear that no unclean thing can dwell with God, but no unchanged thing will even want to.” Because of the grace of Jesus Christ we can be saved when we fully do our part. Doing our part requires us to activate the Atonement in our lives and is more than just keeping the commandments. So many people feel that they don’t need a Savior and that they can do it alone. While it does require us to put forth good works we cannot achieve grace on our own we need our Savior. Sometime as members of the church we let our lives get very busy and in the mist of all the chaos we lose sight of what is really important and start going through the motions of living the Gospel but not really actively seeking to live it. My oldest this week was a good example of simplifying his life and putting Christ first. He plays tackle football and today after church he came home and announced, “There’s no football practice Wednesday night because I’m going to the temple to do baptisms with the young men’s.” I love that he made the decision on his own. He could have used the excuse that he had practice but he put church first. That is how we become true disciples of Christ by putting Him first. When we are actively putting the Lord first and using His atonement we will then be saved trough His grace. 

The Atonement

Many people believe that the atonement of Christ is for repenting of sin. We know that sin leads us to a spiritual death and only through repentance and the power of the atonement can we be forgiven and receive the gift of eternal life. But the Atonement covers more than just sin. The Savior suffered for every heartache, trial, suffering, and sin we may experience while here on this earth. During our many trials we are faced to endure in this life it is easy to ask “Why me?” or say “Life isn't fair.” It is true that this life is hard and we are meant to go through trials as a refining and strengthening process. The Apostle Peter taught that if we faithfully endure our trials we have been promised to be strengthened through the Atonement where we can then receive joy and exaltation. Elder Robert D. Hales stated, “Suffering is universal; how we react to suffering is individual. Suffering can take us two ways. It can be a strengthening and purifying experience combined with faith, or it can be a destructive force in our lives if we do not have the faith in the Lord's atoning sacrifice. The purpose of suffering, however is to build and strengthen us.” While life might not feel fair and our trials may seem to be going on forever we are meant to have trials to make us stronger. When we feel alone and that know one understand we can take comfort in knowing that Jesus Christ knows as He atoned for each of us. Because He atoned for each of us He can also help us know and understand how to overcome our trials. The Atonement is how we can be healed comforted however if we lose sight of our faith in Christ then our trials also have have the power to weaken our faith and trust in our Savior. Elder Neil L. Andersen said, “When faced with a trail of faith-whatever you do, you don't step away from the Church! Distancing yourself from the kingdom of God during a trail of faith is like leaving the safety of a secure storm cellar just as the tornado comes into view.” When we step away from Christ then Satan has won. We need our Savior and His Atonement. We need to draw close to Him and have the faith that we can overcome and receive Eternal life through His sacrifice for us.

Temptations

The power of Satan's temptations are very real and something we must be constantly aware of. In 1 Corinthians 10:13 we are taught that through the power of the Holy Ghost we can overcome our temptations. President Henry B. Eyring said,"Withthe help of the Holy Ghost, we can watch over ourselves. We can pray to recognize and reject the first thoughts of sin. … And we can, when we must, pray for the humility and the faith to repent.” There are so many who have felt that there was no use in overcoming temptations because it was too hard and while it is not always easy keeping the commandments we have been provided a way. There are many who don't understand why members of the church obey the Law of Chasity and Word of Wisdom. They believe that life style is freedom and the church is restrictive. What they fail to understand is that keeping the commandments is freedom. To achieve that freedom is to not partake of the worldly activities but even if we succumb to temptation we can take comfort in knowing the Lord has provided us away to repent and gain strength to resist those temptations that would drag us down. President Eyring also stated, “The Savior is our Advocate with the Father. He knows our weaknesses. He knows how to succor those who are tempted.” We can also have peace in knowing that the Lord will not tempt us beyond what we can endure. However it is up to us to use the Atonement, the Gift of the Holy, and prayer to overcome Satan’s power. We need to be humble and have the faith to ask the Lord for His help in turning our weaknesses into strengths.It helps to remember that we are never alone. The Savior suffered for each of us and knows exactly what are individual struggles and weaknesses are. Remember the scripture found in Ether 12:27 which reads, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then I will make weak things become strong unto them." Have faith be humble, and remember we are not alone, and through the Savior we can turn our weaknesses into strengths.